Ch. 4 A Sanctuary of Time

I just don't have enough time!

  Have you ever uttered those words?  I know I have.  I've been angry, frustrated, resentful at everyone else around me who seem to have no problem having time to do what they want!  I see the Duplos scattered across the living room floor, the freshly laundered clothes shoved under beds, the messy stove and piled dishes left for who...?

  Everyone else seems to have their time, but I play catch up.

  Ann addresses this very issue in this chapter.  She begins with, 

"#362. Suds...all color in the sun"

  She reminds me that shouldn't I have all the time everlasting.  I'm a believer with all of eternity to live.

Yet I'm addicted to speed as much as a race car driver.  From the moment I awake I am trying to "live" faster than time.  In the process, (as speed tends to do) I run over the small, I react and often leave devastation in my wake.  I don't have time to just respond or to think.

"The hurry makes us [me] hurt."

"Hurry always empties the soul."

"I just want time to do my one life well."

  What is the key to slowing down?  Ann's answer to that is what this book is all about.  When we choose to live in the moment (thanking God for all the minute details) we live present pregnant.

  She points out that God is present [I AM] and that is the only "where" we can meet Him.

"Thanksgiving makes time."

"Life is NOT an emergency.  Life is eucharisteo"

I too want to live my one life well and present pregnant.  I will make the choice!

Multitudes on Monday!

...4. Help in the kitchen

5. Baby Fabrics

6. winter's gray light

...14.  cozy warmth of awakened babes

...16. pure, pristine beauty of winter white world

...18. teenage giggles

19. old friend making effort

20+21. loss of first tooth

            gappy, grin girl

...28. brothers playing make-believe

...30 sewing projects accomplished

Chapter 3 "First Flight"

Ann opens this chapter with a dialogue with a friend as she slices cucumbers.  Her friend notices, "You've changed". 
  Boy, I would LOVE to hear those words, especially from the ones who are closest to me.  I want to change, grow, be more loving, more at peace, more....happy/joyful.
She credits this "change" to "the list" but even more than that, to the daily discipline she is developing by "hunting" for thankfulness.
She reminds me that it is learned and learning doesn't come easy or quickly.  I should know.  As I home school my brood, I'm constantly reminded that some concepts need to continuously be practiced, drilled, monotonous, begrudging.  And then it happens, the concept, the skill, the technique becomes second nature.

   I want thankfulness to be second first nature.

It's more than just being thankful, it is naming the gifts.  By naming, it's like we are receiving them personally from our good God.  It is in the specific rather than the general.

"Slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life 

leaves me deeply thankful 

for very few things in life.

...life-changing gratitude does not fasten to a life

unless nailed through 

with one very specific nail at a time."

Eucharisteo

Chapter 2 leads to the real reason she wrote this book.  

"Will I have lived fully--or just empty?  ...How do we live fully so we are fully ready

to die?"

After a nightmare, God leads her to the passage of the last supper.  It is here that she she breaks apart and defines "eucharisteo". 

                  "It really might be the mystery to the fullest life..." 

"Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle."

She goes on to sight several examples in scripture where this statement is played out.

And then, a profound statement, 

"I would never experience the fullness of my salvation until I express the fullness of my thanks every day,

and eucharisteo is elemental to living the saved life."

There is hope for me.  The pessimist.  I want to see this life through different lenses.  Is this the way?  Not just having an attitude of gratitude but a mindset as well.  Is this the way to make the head-heart connection and live the abundant life?

Chapter 1 "An Emptier, Fuller Life"

  Ann begins this book with loss.  She writes of the things that "force" her to question God.  

In Job-like fashion minus the pride, she questions God and wonders where is the promised "abundant life" we as believers are supposed to experience. 

  I find my heart resonating with her beautifully placed words.  The emotions, questions, frustrations of my Christ-walk and how seemingly little has changed to bring me closer to a place of Christ-likeness.

  She then goes on to explain how our true sin (the first sin of the Garden) was/is ingratitude. 

"Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives."  

I see my losses, inadequacies, failures as gigantic rifts in my life where God didn't meet me.  No matter how many times I hear the "Footprints in the Sand" poem or retell verses I've memorized, I don't know how to make the head-heart connection.  I know I don't fully say yes to what He gives, I pick and choose only the "good" and even then I'm picky.  

"...we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency."  

I'm not quite sure He is for my good.

  Then, the startling realization of a scripture overlooked,

"His secret purpose framed from the very beginning [is] to bring us to our full glory" (I Cor. 2:7 NEB).  

This has been and is His plan for us, despite sin.  

She pens this profound statement, 

"I wonder...if the rent in the canvas of our life backdrop, the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see.            

                                    To see through to God.            

That that which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. 

                 To Him:" 

She ends with the question I have, "HOW?"

"How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy?  Self-focus for God -communion."

 Thus begins her story.

"A dare to an emptier, fuller life."

1,000 Gifts

Have you heard this?  It's a book I've been turned on to.  I believe that this little book (knowing full well that it can only be God that truly does this)  just may change my life.  A dear friend shared that this was a "must read" and with all my heart and mind have been spinning with I believe she is right.  As of this post, I've finished the first chapter and my eyes are filled with tears and my heart is asking, "how did she know how to put words to my innermost questions and aches?"  I plan on documenting this journey here because it may help someone else or at the very least, motivate them to get their hands on this treasure.

Community

  This blog has primarily been created for the purpose of keeping family and friends abroad, abreast to our family's goings on. 
Every now and then,
 I have a desire for it to be more; 
        a chance for me to be vulnerable and share my heart;
                   an opportunity to bless and be blessed;
                          a cry into cyberspace to know and be fully known.

Even as I type this, I know that these desires are only filled by God.  Yet, being a home school mom can be extremely isolating. There are days that I wonder,
                          "What am I doing and Why?" or
                           "Am I even making a difference?"
  We were created to be in community, I wonder what it would have been like to have lived when the women would all go down to the river and wash their laundry together and be encouraged, admonished, mentored, and instructed.  What was it like to have barn raises, extended family, and frequent church potlucks?
 
    I long to be assisted in this journey called Life,
                to be more loving,
           more giving,
       more selfless,
more Christ-like in what I do, say, and think.

I want to search for that kind of community. 
Maybe it can be found through this medium.
Maybe not.
I want to look for it as if for buried treasure.  I want to offer it as well as receive it.
I'll keep you posted (no pun intended  : D) with my findings.  

Isaac's Dec. 2010 Recital

Isaac has begun his 3rd year of  piano.  He is really doing wonderful and enjoys practicing many different types of songs. He originally wanted to play "The Carol of the Bells" but another student had picked it first.  He played that and this one for our Christmas Eve Service and did awesome.
He would much rather play by ear and so sometimes it is a challenge having him practice his actual lesson songs.  We are really proud of how he seems to enjoy playing.

Abby's December 2010 Recital

As of this post, Abby has now completed her first year of piano.  She is wonderful about doing her lessons and seems to be progressing well.  She also played during our Christmas Eve service.  She practiced many Christmas carols on her own and it was a delight to hear her all throughout the season.