Winter

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Uninvolved Parents/Grandparents

Does anybody out there have them? 
I do! 
I can't tell you how it breaks my heart.
   I know this is probably not the best place to air this and yet I'm not sure if many read this blog anyway and I need to vent!  I can't tell you how many times I've invited them to birthdays for my kids or other events I've done here and they haven't come for purely selfish reasons.  I can count on one hand the times they've watched my kids for me.  When I've given birth or have had an emergency,  I've always had to find someone (other than family) to watch my kids and not once did they come to the hospital to welcome their new grandchild.   
  I don't know why I expect anything from them.  They were never really intentional with my brother, sister, and I. We were always pretty aware that many times we were a burden to my father and so he would go to the bars on the weekend.  My mom is a very simple person and she loved us as best she could but she also gave off the impression that since we couldn't do things the way she wanted she would just do it herself and we often felt the effects of her exhaustion at "doing it all".
  I read recently that expectations kill relationships and therein lies the problem.  I try not to have them and yet every time I ask for a little help or there is some function I'd like them to be a part of and they don't, I get so upset!  God has been faithful and provided for us many times through the body but there are times when I would like them to be there. As much as I know I'm to forgive them, obviously I have held on to these things.
  In their defense, they are raising my sister's 4 kids (8-15y.o.).  They are having major struggles with the 2 older ones and I'm sure they are at the end of themselves most of the time. I truly don't want to add any more stress to them and yet I so wish they were intentional with my kids.  I wish I was worth it to them.
  One thing I can say for sure, I'm definitely learning firsthand how I DON"T want to be when I'm a grandparent.  If you can't relate, please know how blessed you are.  Make sure you let them know how much you appreciate all they do and make sure your kids bless them too. 

1 comment:

Kara said...

I'm so sorry...and I can relate.
One thing I've see come from this though--friends and the church become much more "true family" than they probably would be otherwise. Because they are so so needed. But it still hurts and I've spent a lot of time praying through bitterness over this...

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I'm a stay at home, homeschooling mom to four beautiful children and wife to my dream man who I am completely in love with. I love God and am in the process of learning rather recently (I'm sorry to say) that I can do no good thing apart from Him.

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