POWER!!!

Power can be something we strive to possess or it is something that "fuels" our life (as in electricity).

This last week I had neither.

 

I rarely have the first kind of power anyway but I (as well as most of my fellow Americans) have become quite dependent on electricity.  This last week (from Sunday 3/20-Sunday 3/28) I experienced a life void of electricity. 

Let me tell you, it was tough!  

 

Add to that that we were displaced from our home because of the threat of falling trees as well as my third's 7th birthday and you can probably surmise the hectic, helter-skelter, scattered week we had.

A friend of mine asked how I felt being like Ma Ingalls; my response, " Ma Ingalls would never have had a freezer full of food to keep cool on top of all the other things."

All that to say, you'll understand where my "Multitudes on Mondays" list originated out of this past week.

125. wee hour evacuation

126. snow silent before cracking, splitting-wood sound of trees and branches falling all around

127.  house spared

129. snow entertainment

134. shared mommy woes

137. outage at the end of the month rather than the beginning after monthly shopping trip

140. birthday blessings at Best Western

141. dear friend braving the storm to bless birthday girl

142. restored power!!!!!

Power

Chapter 6 What do you want? The place of seeing God

Ann describes a time when she "ran after the moon" literally.  She reminds me to look at creation to see the creator.  Creation is NOT the Creator but it is a reflection of His beauty.  Do I take time to notice? 

I live in one of the most beautiful spots with National Forest at my backdoor.  I have lived in this area most of my life.  For the most part, I don't take it for granted. 

I love the peace and serenity that comes with mountain life.  

I love that we have four distinct seasons.  

I love that my children can go outside and see tons of stars and name it "A night of Abraham".

I love that on any given clear night we see God's watercolor painting in the sunset from our deck.

I love that our "noise" is crows cawing, 

doves cooing,

frogs croaking,

crickets chirping,

roosters crowing, and

dogs barking at the deer.

I have NEVER chased after the moon.  I can't relate.  I don't play well.  I don't do childlike.

Therefore, I had a difficult time getting "into" this chapter.

  The thing that I most related to was at the end, I just love her vulnerability to be real because I've written these very words in my heart.

" The world I live in is loud and blurring...

...these kids lean hard into me all day

to teach and raise and lead and 

I fail hard and 

there are real souls that are at stake and

how long do I really have to figure our how

to live full of grace,

full of joy--

before these beautiful children fly the coop 

and my mothering days fold up quiet?

How do you open the eyes 

to see how to take the daily, domestic workday vortex and 

invert it into the dome of an everyday cathedral?

PRAYING WITH EYES WIDE OPEN

is the only way to pray."

Ugly-Beauty

37. constant need for discipling
38. attitude adjustments
69. bagel with butter side down on clean floor
84. bad attitude at Bible time
93. dirtied floor from friendship's abundance
94. grouchy girl
95. uninvolved parents/grandparents
99. opportunities to choose forgiveness
100. opportunities to choose humility

Ch. 5 "What in the world, in all this world, is grace?

One  act of thanksgiving,

when things go wrong with us,

is worth a thousand thanks when things

are agreeable to our inclinations

St. John of Avila

This quote pretty well sums up this chapter.  In Ann's words, this quote sums up the hard eucharisteo.  In this chapter, Ann reveals the difficulty of giving thanks when the circumstances don't add up to a feeling of thanks.  She relays a time one of her children is hurt and how she walks through that.

"...Satan prowls but he's a lion on a leash 

and the God who governs all can be shouted at when I bruise, 

and I can cry and I can howl and 

He embraces the David- Hearts who pound hard on His heart with their grief 

and I can moan deep that He did this-

and He did."

I have such difficulty in what/how I should be thankful  in those dark times of pain, heartache, dreams dashing, and the day-to-day monotony.

".. new life comes out of the dark places."

Spring from Winter, baby from dark womb, seed to plant/flower, tomb to rising; all examples of this.

"Grace that chooses to bear the cross of suffering overcomes that suffering."

Oh to learn this lesson now, oh to radiate grace rather than rage and victim.   

I come from a long line of "victims" and pessimism.  I've had few examples of grace and true God-birthed joy.  Oh Lord, break the chains, may my children see this in me and choose a different way.  The hard eucharisteo.

"The hard discipline to lean into the ugly  and

whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty.

The hard discipline to give thanks for all things

at all times.

The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because...

God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart 

to make it whole."

Make me whole!

Uninvolved Parents/Grandparents

Does anybody out there have them? 
I do! 
I can't tell you how it breaks my heart.
   I know this is probably not the best place to air this and yet I'm not sure if many read this blog anyway and I need to vent!  I can't tell you how many times I've invited them to birthdays for my kids or other events I've done here and they haven't come for purely selfish reasons.  I can count on one hand the times they've watched my kids for me.  When I've given birth or have had an emergency,  I've always had to find someone (other than family) to watch my kids and not once did they come to the hospital to welcome their new grandchild.   
  I don't know why I expect anything from them.  They were never really intentional with my brother, sister, and I. We were always pretty aware that many times we were a burden to my father and so he would go to the bars on the weekend.  My mom is a very simple person and she loved us as best she could but she also gave off the impression that since we couldn't do things the way she wanted she would just do it herself and we often felt the effects of her exhaustion at "doing it all".
  I read recently that expectations kill relationships and therein lies the problem.  I try not to have them and yet every time I ask for a little help or there is some function I'd like them to be a part of and they don't, I get so upset!  God has been faithful and provided for us many times through the body but there are times when I would like them to be there. As much as I know I'm to forgive them, obviously I have held on to these things.
  In their defense, they are raising my sister's 4 kids (8-15y.o.).  They are having major struggles with the 2 older ones and I'm sure they are at the end of themselves most of the time. I truly don't want to add any more stress to them and yet I so wish they were intentional with my kids.  I wish I was worth it to them.
  One thing I can say for sure, I'm definitely learning firsthand how I DON"T want to be when I'm a grandparent.  If you can't relate, please know how blessed you are.  Make sure you let them know how much you appreciate all they do and make sure your kids bless them too. 

Ash Wednesday

Today I burn these sins that come so easily for me.  

As a symbolic gesture, I relinquish their control over me and actually relinquish me. 

I acknowledge my humanness, that I am incapable of being perfect and clean enough for Him.  

I recognize with humility that He died for me "while I was yet sinning".  

I grapple with that selfless, no expectations love that He has for me.  

Finally, I pray that this Lenten season I

"will grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know [intimately] [believe] this love that surpasses knowledge..."  Eph. 3:18+19

Multitudes on Monday!

31. bare silhouette of trees in early morn

32. angelic faces in sleep

36. the hope that springs from a transparent life (Thanks Ann)

39. leftovers

44. powdered-sugar snow

43. Mr.

52. full cupboards

53. last star holding onto bright

65. spring blossoms dressed in white and barely pink

67. pregnant bellies